Lessons With The Wind

Finding oneness with self, my fellow sisters, and nature's elements on a Healer's Retreat in Bacalar Lagoon, Mexico.

I never knew that the wind had always been speaking to me. 

Until I found myself lying on a prepared bed of pillows and blankets, bawling my eyes out, breathing like my life depended on it, taking in the details of the house that had been cradling us, and oh so lovingly held by 3 sisters and a dog.

Let me back up a bit before I move forward. This was all happening in the gorgeous lagoon of Bacalar, Mexico, on Lindsey Simmons’ (also known as “Lulu”) Healer’s Retreat. Five of us together (yes, Luna the dog was on retreat with us as well) for 7 days, each of us magically happening to be in or having already come from very similar places in our lives.

 

 

 

Before I get into the story, I want to preface that, while it may seem otherwise, there were no drugs involved in this retreat. Unless you consider coffee, some wine and beer, and cacao (straight from the lands of Bacalar) drugs. Or are they medicine? But what qualifies as a drug or medicine is a different topic all in itself. Point is, we were conscious and clear-minded throughout this whole experience, having each other and nature’s medicines to guide us through the unfolding.

 

 

Throughout the days, as I looked into each being’s eyes, I continued to feel more and more that I was looking into a mirror. This started in the daily “Sister Circle”. As each would share what was in their heart, I felt as if the words were coming from my mouth and the emotions were in my body. As I shared my truths, it was as if it was the first time feeling that I didn’t have to hold the heavy stuff by myself. The first time that I *remembered* feeling this from the outer layers of my body all the way through to the core of my Spirit.

 

 

I wasn’t alone. And wow, that was a big realization! It hit me like a ton of bricks. And I take big breaths in this moment as I write it down, allowing me to once again relive the sensation of relief.

You see, I’ve known this, have had many such experiences, have even held similar spaces which create this bond and sisterly connection. But it hit me differently this time, maybe because I was on the receiving end, was being encouraged to sit there and accept the holding – new territory for me, and yet another story in itself.

 

 

 

So, after days of de-layering on this land, in the water, with these special souls, it was time that I got to the core of what was holding me back from going for it – the life that my Spirit has been asking for and existing in for oh so long.

A long, deep massage broke everything up, forcing the fullest of truths to my surface.

 

And we find ourselves back to the moment of me bawling and breathing, as if it was my very first cry and breath. A new life had emerged. A profound understanding of the connecting pieces, like following the stars in the sky.

As each woman had her hands somewhere on my body to let me know I was fully supported, Luna the dog had her hand on my belly, right above my navel. As I breathed, her little paws pulsed lightly, guiding my inner fire to cool, helping energy to release out from my core through all extremities of my body. Lulu wasn’t joking when she said her dog was a reiki master! I had to experience it to really believe it!

 

 

 

All in this moment, I was reminded of the heartaches and traumas that my little self had experienced, which would then lead me to how I healed myself – by myself.

I was reminded of the heartaches and traumas that the women before me experienced, and saw the things that they did to cope – by themselves.

 

 

 

One BEAUTIFUL MEMORY of healing myself from so much that I couldn’t even understand overcame me in this moment. It was of an annual experience as a pre-teen, the first few years of my womanhood. My family used to go to the same house on Elbow Cay, Bahamas every summer. Called Elbow Room, it was big and bright yellow, with lime green shutters, facing East, overlooking a fierce ocean.

At night, once the rest of the house was settling down, I would sneak out on the upstairs porch, get naked, cover my (burnt) skin with aloe vera and lie on the roof. Listening to my favorite music (often the Eagles on the disc-man), feeling the strong ocean winds and moonlight on my bare skin, looking out at the ocean waves and the wonder of stars above, I felt invincible, with a profound understanding of life.

I’d open my arms up wide, inviting the sharp, cooling wind to blow away my sadness, anger, frustration, annoyance, and general dis-ease. I’d feel her – along with water, earth, and light – telling the fire within me “we’ve got you, you are not alone in this, and you are safe to simply be and soften”.

Of course, in this moment as a child, I didn’t know in my mind that this was happening, but my Spirit knew, and she was very grateful that my little self was able to allow the magic to unfold.

I’d go to bed feeling my innocence, with zero concerns in the world, and would dream about soaring through the stars. The next day, I’d wake up to swim with and be one with the fish, turtles and sharks.

 

 

So here I was, lying on the floor, being encouraged to simply cry, feel, and let it out. Encouraged this time by women and a dog rather than nature’s elements. I could probably really get deep here and draw a connection of all 4 beings who surrounded me with those elements, but we’ll leave that out for now 😉

Like WIND, EARTH, WATER, & LIGHT they told me that I don’t have to do it alone, teaching me through experience the joy that can come from shedding layers in togetherness. 

You see, I never knew of my relationship with wind until this moment. I never knew that I had been pushing down and even hiding the air qualities within me all this time.

Water always called to me, so much so that I always considered myself a mermaid and have always deeply resonated with sea life. When diving under the water, it’s as if the whole world quiets, all the way down to the chatter in my mind. As a kid, I’d jump into freezing cold waters just for this experience – and for the adrenaline rush!

 

 

 

And at the same time, I’ve always claimed my fire – the passion for life, determination to get things done, quick tempered, often impulsive. Like everything, there’s good, bad and neutral associated, but it’s largely how I’ve understood and even defined myself. The yoga word, “Tapas,” or “fiery discipline,” has never been a struggle for me.

If anything, my deepening connection with Mother Earth over the years has guided me to slow down, be here, and do less.

 

 

The truth is, with 4 Libras in my chart (two of which are sun and rising), and being a soul-sister with my highly air-y mother, I am air and air is me. But I have not always held the romantic views of being “air-y” as being “fiery”.

So I would ignore the abundance of air qualities within me – the side of me that get really overwhelmed if over-stimulated, can be flighty and spacey at times, has really outlandish dreams, is always on the move, often shakes things up more than the world is ready for, and sometimes “living in the clouds”.

In hiding those sides, that meant that I was not seeing or showing the sides of me that are sensitive to energies, and therefore can guide others to releasing stagnant energies as I have learned to do; that can draw connections in a way that much of the world would deny being related, and therefore getting to the root of challenges holding one in place; that are abundantly creative and inspired to craft a life better than in the dreams.

When sharing some of these realizations with Lulu, she said some beautiful words (as is everything she says) about how we depend on the wind for one because it brings us oxygen from the trees. It had me draw the connection of “prana,” or life force energy. If breath enhances prana within our systems, then the wind enhances prana within the Earth’s system. Wow!

As when I opened my naked body to the Bahamian wind, the Bacalarian wind told me that, like her, I can flow where I’m called, no energies are too big to be felt, and a little disturbance from living out my truths is alright. 

You see though, I could not have come to this profound sense of understanding and *remembering* alone.

I needed the time, energetic and physical space to get me out of my own way plus the encouragement of sisters, teachers and guides.

I needed THIS RETREAT and THESE GODDESSES (Luna too) to help bring me forward.

I needed to be able to listen to my spirit guides when deciding if this HUGE investment was worth making.

I first decided to make the investment for the Healer’s Retreat because I looked up to Lulu as a teacher, feeling a deep resonance to her story and the ways in which she guides the unfolding process. I felt like she could really take me to a place deeper than I could take myself – and that much was true.

And while I had an idea of what retreating with her might be like, I did not know that I would have the time of my life while also digging really deep and doing some BIG WORK. It was a literal breath of fresh air to experience the fun life as I’m used to (boating, beers, water sports – though the wake surfing was brand new;), while simultaneously looking inward. It was another reminder/*remembering* that THEY CAN AND WILL BE DONE TOGETHER.

I could not have known the impact that this experience, the 3 women and the dog would have on my heart and life at large. 

They are now in my tribe, and I in theirs, knowing we can turn to each other when we need to hash out life’s big stuff, and the little things too.

 

Dogs need their pack. Fish need their school. Trees need their forest. Birds need their flock. They simply cannot survive without each other.

Wind needs it’s Earth, who needs it’s Fire, who needs it’s Water. They could not support life without each other.

Humans need their tribe, sisters and brothers to circle up with, showing up just as they are to dance, laugh, and cry out the tensions brought on by a not so gentle world. 

 

 

 

If you don’t yet have your tribe, teachers, guides, and support systems, I pray that you find them. Trust that voice within you that says “this feels safe, I can show up fully here in this space”. Your body often knows more than your mind does, so listen from there.

Sending so much love and many blessings to you, by way of our friend, Wind 😉

*Callout to the photographer who captured all these photos! Go on over to MadisonKrumppPhotography.com for all your local or traveling photography needs.
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Finding oneness with self, my fellow sisters, and nature's elements on a Healer's Retreat in Bacalar Lagoon, Mexico.

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