Looking back through 2019-2020 Journal
From June 19, 2019
I sat down on my mat this morning and asked myself what my heart wants for today. In just one breath, I heard – “I want to care, I want to care deeply”. Then the dream came rushing in, and I realized I’d woken with a careless attitude…
In the dream, I was an undergrad, and was in conversation with a prospective student, a professor and the college dean. It was like an informational interview for the prospect. I was asked “what do you recommend to new students who want to succeed at this college?” I told them that my trick to being a good student was that “I don’t give a f***,” with a swinging attitude hand gesture to match it. Somehow – I had made it that far with these people thinking I was a good student, but the truth was, or at least what I was putting of, that I didn’t care about how well I did in school.
As I look back at the times in my life that I had this careless attitude, including this past week, it seems that life will somehow be easier, with less heartbreak and discomfort. When I think that way, I then don’t put my heart into a situation and I ease my way out of it before any discomfort seeps in, staying in the “safe zone”. So I ask myself – “When I live this way – How does the growth come in? What makes me reach out for help (and therefore want to help others)? What do I really learn from this one life opportunity?”
And so I ask you today – and tomorrow and the next day – to care deeply. Stay long enough for the discomfort to pass. Feel the whole experience from the inside~out. Move in such a way that your truth within can arise to the surface. That’ll mean continuous breath, focus and softness. You can do this.